Rosetta Stone

Sunday, January 16, 2005

How to become an Arab ruler in 15 days?

First scenario (Assuming that your reign will begin after the death of your predecessor)

Following a couple of days public mourning of your predecessor and after being swiftly sworn in:-

Day 1:-
Give a public speech where you assure the citizens that you will continue with the brave reformations and follow the footsteps of your predecessor.
Day 2:-
Free all oppositions groups and political prisoners. Promise them a new era of democracy and freedom of speech.
Day 3:-
Address your political party. Make sure they are preparing for a complete takeover in the next Parliamentary elections.
Day 4:-
Erase any traces of your predecessor. This include removing anyone from your cabinet who is loyal to your predecessor, street names etc.
Day 5:-
Announce your five-years socio-economic plan. (Basically, the same old plans used by your predecessor you just put your name on it). And Setup a bank account in Switzerland.
Day 6:-
Put the opposition back into prisons.
Day 7:-
Make sure you keep only loyalists in the military. And attend a military parade as a power show-off commemorating 7 days since you took power. Invite few foreign ambassadors.
Day 8:-
It's constitution amendment time. Add clauses that will help you stabilize your power more.
Day 9:-
Start plans for building a new city that will carry your name. Preferably give it a specific theme whether its going to be residential or industrial or agricultural or technological.
Day 10:-
Visit the USA, vow for obedience and beg for foreign aid (This will add up at least 10 years to your reign) And setup a bank account in the Bahamas.
Day 11:-
Visit a couple of factories and projects; make sure you smile while posing with the sweaty workers for the footages and keep asking them about their families.
Day 12:-
Start a big "National Project" (not necessarily significant) but make sure it will bleed the country's economy. Make you prepare a defense plan in case the project fails.
Day 13:-
Order your wife to start a social activities campaigns and hug a lot of children in the process.
Day 14:-
Start training your son for heredity. (in case you don't have sons borrow one)
Day 15:-
Tell your men to organize a public rally for your support, get your best writers to write the best supporting slogans as it usually stick till the end.
Congratulations you are now fit to rule for another 30 years. (just make sure you take care of your health and avoid assassination attempts)


Second scenario (Assuming that your reign will begin after a military coup d’etat)

After killing/exiling your predecessor and being swiftly sworn in:-

Day 1:-
Give a Public speech where you assure the public that reformations will take place and the days of tyranny and prosecution will be over.
Day 2:-
Free all oppositions groups and political prisoners. Promise them a new era of democracy and freedom of speech.
Day 3:-
Make up your own new political party. Whatever the direction your predecessor was choose the other direction.. i.e. if he was left become right.
Day 4:-
Erase any traces of your predecessor. This include removing anyone from your cabinet who is loyal to your predecessor, street names… etc. And start smearing campaigns in the media (like showing the victims of the past regime on TV) and order changes in history books.
Day 5:-
Announce your five years socio-economic plan. Basically, the same old plans used by your predecessor you just put your name on it. Setup a Swiss bank account.
Day 6:-
Put the oppositions back into prisons. Execute few of them.
Day 7:-
Make sure you keep only loyalists in the military. And attend a military parade commemorating 7 days since you took power. Execute any ambitious comrades who helped you with the coup d’etat.
Day 8:-It’s Constitution amendment time. Add as many clauses as you like.
Day 9:-
Start plans for building a new city that will carry your name, and rename the city that carries your predecessor name.
Day 10:-
Visit the USA, vow for obedience and beg for foreign aid (This will add up at least 10 years to your reign)
Day 11:-
Visit a couple of factories and projects; make sure you pose with the workers for the footages. Make sure you look as if you understand what they are doing.
Day 12:-
Start a big “National Project” (not necessarily significant) that will bleed you’re the country’s economy. And execute anyone who doesn’t like it.
Day 13:-
Order your wife to start social activities campaigns and hug a lot of children in the process.
Day 14:-
Start training your son for heredity. And make sure he appears on Camera everywhere you go.
Day 15:-Tell your men to organize a public rally for your support, get your best writers to write the best supporting slogans as it usually stick till the end.
Congratulations you are now fit to rule for another 30 years. (also make sure you take care of your health and avoid assassination attempts)

Posted by MG :: 1:33 AM ::
---------------oOo---------------