Rosetta Stone

Thursday, April 21, 2005

It Takes Two to Bango

Yesterday, I ran out of cigarettes at 3:30 am and I couldn’t sleep, so I went down in my sleeping shorts and t-shirt to buy cigarettes. I thought it’s not worth it to take my car and and get out of the garage at this hour. I decided to walk, everything was closed as I expected but I knew that a certain line of vendors are almost open 24/7 behind el-Ahli club, the problem it’s a long walk from where I live and I’m a lazy ass but for the nicotine addiction you’ll almost do anything!

During my sidewalk walk, I felt like a car was slowing down behind me… as if they were following me around, I didn’t look back. They started honking, honestly I was kinda afraid, so I thought if I would flex some muscles maybe it will scare them away. It didn’t work, I started hearing “pssssssssst” till someone shouted “Ya Captain” I turned my head to look and it was a car with three guys and a girl (who looks like a hooker) inside and they were all stoned. And the following brief conversation took place:-

Driver: Salam Aliakoum. I know this may sound weird. Do you know where to buy some “rolling paper”?
Me: There are several kiosks near Al-Ahli club, they sell cigarettes, candies and stuff. You’ll probably find rolling paper too. You have to U-turn and go straight in this direction and then turn right. (I didn’t tell them that this was my destination too)
Passenger 1: Thank you. We’re very sorry to stop you like this.
Me: No problem (and as I was about to continue my walk)
Driver: Do you want us to drop you somewhere? You can squeeze in.
Me: Thank you very much, I’m just exercising a bit and heading straight to my home over here. (pointing randomly at any nearby building)
Passenger 2: Are you afraid of us?
Me: From you? (sarcastically) no you look harmless enough.
Girl: Maybe he’s just shy. (and she went on giving hookerish laugh)
Driver: Okay Salam.

And they whisked off and I continued with my walk. After almost 15 minutes I arrived at the kiosks line and to my surprise the stoned gang where still there! They nested near one of the Kiosks, drinking Pepsi and listening to loud music from the car stereo. I walked straight to another kiosk, I knew that they could still spot me but I avoided any eye contact.
Suddenly someone was yelling “Ya Captain” again several time, I didn’t look but I was positive that it was them and they were calling on me. So, I rapidly threw the money at the vendor and walked away. I found the guy who was driving the car running in my direction and blocked my way.

Driver: Eih ya 3am... I was calling on you all this time.
Me: Something wrong?
Driver: No. You said you were heading home.
Me: (furious) What’s your problem man?
Driver: Nothing. We just wanted to invite for a smoke. (nemassi)
Me. Thank you but I don’t smoke weed.
Driver: Come on, really? Swear to God?
Me: I don’t swear to God on these kinda topics. Now, if you excuse me I have to go home and sleep in case you didn’t realize it’s 4:00 am. Didn’t you hear al-fajr prayer call?
Driver: Man, tomorrow is a holiday... so let’s celebrate.

By this time the hooker came into action and joined our conversation.

Me: It was really nice to meet you all but I’ll have to skip this celebration as there was a recent death in my family and I don’t celebrate with strangers. And if I needed to party I will party with my friends.
Girl: This guy is despiseus. Who do you think you are?
Driver: (to the girl) Shut up. Go and sit in the car.

The girl obeys.

Driver: Forgive me, She’s a just a damn whore.
Me: Listen, you guys are stoned! And you’re just killing time here. So, I hope you had your fun now I’ll have to say goodbye.

I started walking away.

Driver: Okay, Here take this with you...

He came running with a couple of Bango (cannabis herb like Marijuana) joints in his hand.

Me: What is this?
Driver: It will help you feel better and sleep.
Me: Walahi thank you but I told you I don’t smoke Bango. And I already have some cold beer at home that I will drink to help me sleep. (I wanted to kick myself for saying this)
Driver: (shouting) Beer? God forbids Haram on you. You drink alcohols? Tomorrow (it’s today) is the Prophet’s birthday and you’re drinking beer.
Me: (laughing) You’re kidding me right?
Driver: No, I’m very serious.
Me: You’re stoned and having a hooker in your car and you’re telling me this is haram.
Driver: Just don’t say I’m stoned because I’m not.
Me: I’m not judging you and I don’t know you. I’m just a guy who wanna buy some cigarettes and return home. So stop following me. Why are you following? Do you like me or something, sorry to disappoint you but I don’t swing this way.
Driver: What do you think I’m? I’m not following you. Go home, just don’t drink beer or any alcohols.
Me: (Just when I thought I was out they pull me back in) Actually, I do drink alcohols from time to time but I wasn’t going to drink today out respect and the sanctity of the day because I know it’s the prophet’s birthday. I just said it to put you off my back and I didn't know you were a hypocrite.
Driver: Drinking Alcohols is a sin, read it in the Quran while Bango is not sin.
Me: Oh my God I don’t have the will to argue now. Listen, whatever substances you take to sedate your brain is a sin and whatever harms your body is a sin. Read it in the Quran. Okay... say Bango is not haram what about the hooker? Huh? Were you going to marry her today or you’re having her as a mascot?
Driver: No, it was innocent fun.
Me: I have no problem with that. Just don’t go throwing “harams” at people. Now, have a good day and happy moled elnabi.

I thought I would share this story with you as just another example of the weird people we meet in our lives.

Posted by MG :: 4:44 AM ::